L'Amour De L'Impossible

Title

L'Amour De L'Impossible

Creator

John Addington Symonds

Publisher

Smith, Elder, & Co.

Date

1882

Text

                    L’AMOUR DE L’IMPOSSIBLE

                                    I.

                               Procemium

           THREE times the Muse, with black bat wings out-

                       spread,

                Darkening the night, with lightning in her eyes

                And wrath upon her forehead, bade me rise

                Where I lay slumbering in oblivion’s bed.

The first time I was young ; and though I shed

          Hot tears for fear of that great enterprise,

          I followed her, forth to the starless skies,

          And sang her songs, wild songs of pain and dread.

The second time I listened and obeyed :

         Presumptuous! for that same thick cloud of song

         Dwelt on my manhood with a dreadful shade.

Once more she comes and calls me all night long.

         Nay, Muse of Death and Hades!   We have played

         O’ermuch with madness !   Ah, thou art too strong !

                                           II.

                                    The Furies.

                CHIMAERA, the winged wish that carries men

                    Forth to the bourne of things impossible ;

                    Maya, the sorceress, who meets them when

                    Their hearts with vague untameable longing

                        swell;

These wait on wrinkled Madness, in her den

         Crouching with writhen smile and mumbled spell.

         Dread sisters !  Though thou hadst the strength of

                ten,

         Down shalt thou go into the depth of hell,

Should one of those once make thy spirit her prize.

         Who love what may not be, are sick of soul ;

         And sick of soul who seek with thirsting eyes

Wells where the desert’s mirage mist-wreaths roll.

         Who wed discretion, they alone are wise ;

         And who place limits on their lusts, are whole.

                                      III.

                                 Chimaera.

              έρᾶν ἀδυνάτων νόσος τῆς φυχῆς

         CHILDHOOD brings flowers to pluck, and butter-

                   flies;

             Boyhood hath bat and ball, shy dubious dreams,

             Foreshadowed love, friendship, prophetic gleams ;

             Youth takes free pastime under laughing skies;

Ripe manhood weds, made early strong and wise ;

          Clasping the real, scorning what only seems,

          He tracks love’s fountain to its furthest streams,

          Kneels by the cradle where his firstborn lies.

Then for the soul athirst, life’s circle run,

          Yet nought accomplished and the world unknown,

          Rises Chimaera.   Far beyond the sun

Her bat’s wings bear us.   The empyreal zone

          Shrinks into void.   We pant. Thought, sense rebel,

          And swoon desiring things impossible.

                                    IV.

                     The Pursuit of Beauty.

            MAN’S soul is drawn by beauty, even as the moth

                 By flame, the cloud by mountains, or as the sea,

                 Roaming around earth’s shore incessantly,

                 Ebbs with the moon and surges with her growth ;

And as the moth singes her wings in fire,

         As clouds upon the hillsides melt in rain,

         As tides with change unceasing wax and wane,

         Nor in the moon’s white kisses quell desire ;

So the soul, drawn by beauty, nothing loth,

         Burns her bright wings with rapture that is pain,

         Faints and dissolves or e’er her goal she gain,

Flies and pursues that unclasped deity,

          Fretful, forestalled, blown into foam and froth,

          Following and foiled, even as I follow Thee !

                                  V.

                   The Vanishing Point.

            THERE are who, when the bat on wing transverse

                 Skims the swart surface of some neighbouring

                        mere,

                Catch that thin cry too fine for common ear :

                Thus the last joy-note of the universe

Is borne to those few listeners who immerse

          Their intellectual hearing in no clear

          Paean, but pierce it with the thin-edged spear

          Of utmost beauty which contains a curse.

Dead on their sense fall marches hymeneal,

           Triumphal odes, hymns, symphonies sonorous ;

           They crave one shrill vibration, tense, ideal,

Transcending and surpassing the world’s chorus ;

           Keen, fine, ethereal, exquisitely real,

           Intangible as star’s light quivering o’er us.

                                    VI.

                 The Tyranny of Chimaera.

            SERAPH, Medusa, Mystery, Sphinx ! Oh Thou

                That art the unattainable !   Thou dream

                Incarnate !   Thou frail iridescent gleam !

                Fugitive bloom atremble on life’s bough !

Fade, prithee, fade ; and veil thy luminous brow,

         Chimaera !  Let me ruin adown the stream

         Of the world’s desolation !  All things seem,

         Mock, change, illude, from time’s first pulse till now.

Nothing is real but thirst, the incurable,

        Thirst slaked by nought save God withdrawn from

              sight ;

        And God is life’s negation ; with Him dwell

Souls swallowed in the ocean of blank night,

        Where vast Nirvana drowneth heaven and hell,

        And self-annihilation is delight.

                                  VII.

                          Renunciation.

            LEARN to renounce !  Oh, heart of mine, this long

                Life-struggle with thyself hath been for thee

                Nought but renunciation !  Souls are free,

                We cry in youth, and wish can work no wrong.

Thus planted I the fiend of fancy strong

          Within the palace of my mind, to be

          Master and lord, for perpetuity

          Of anguish, o’er a fierce rebellious throng :

Those tyrannous appetites, those unquelled desires,

          Day-dreams arrayed like angels, longing crude,

          Forth-stretchings of the heart toward wandering fires,

Forceful imaginations, love imbued

         With hell and heaven commingling, which have

              thrust

          Hope, health, strength, reason, manhood in the dust.

                                   VIII.

                        The Use of Pain.

           HE that hath once in heart and soul and sense

                Harboured the secret heat of love that yearns

                With incommunicable violence,

                Still, though his love be dead and buried, burns :

Yea, if he feed not that remorseless flame

       With fuel of strong thought for ever fresh,

The slow fire shrouded in a veil of shame

        Corrodes his very substance, marrow and flesh.

Therefore, in time take heed.   Of misery

        Make wings for soaring o’er the source of pain.

Compel thy spirit’s strife to strengthen thee :

        And seek the stars upon that hurricane

Of passionate anguish, which beyond control

        Pent in thy breast, would rack and rend thy soul.

                                  IX.

                               Limbo.

            IN dreams I walked by Lethe on this side ;

                There where souls taste not yet the sleepy flood ;

                Nor in oblivion drink beatitude ;

                But roam and dote on memory, as they died.

Each man, alone unto himself, wide-eyed,

           Inwardly gazing in abstracted mood,

           Went by the waves ; and all that multitude

           Seemed in my dreaming thought unsatisfied.

Some too there were whose longing, like a crown

           Of leaden anguish, weighed on weary brows ;

           Who murmured in delirium : ‘Down, down, down !

We lived not, for we loved not !   Dreams are we !

          Death shuns us, who shunned life !   What hel shall

                  rouse

          Blank souls from blurred insensibility?’

                                 X.

                            Wishes.

              AH, God, that it could be that by some spell

                  Poignant or imperceptible, of pain

                  Or sleep, I might grow young in body and

                         brain,

                  Forgetful and forgiven, as poets tell

Men were re-made who drank of Merlin’s well !

           Ah, might joy waken, like bus ‘neath April rain,

           At view of yon snow-flushed far Alpine chain,

           Soaring in storm-swept air immeasurable !

Could i shake off these pangs, these cares that bind

            Down to base use the incorruptible mind !

            Ah, friend, and walk with thee, who art so strong,

Freed from old tyrannous yearnings, calm as thou,

             Bearing abreast with thine a comrade’s brow,

            Unshamed, unenvious, unperplexed by wrong !

                                         XI.

                                Convent Bells.

            THE gaunt grey belfrey spake.   Those crazy bells

                Sent to my soul three divers messages.

                The Bass said : Eat, drink, slumber ; take thine

                      ease ;

                 Nothing abides ; void are heaven’s promised

                      wells !

The Tenor sang : Life flies ; my music tells

          Of human bliss ; delay not, seek and seize !

          Then, bat-like, shrill, borne on the twilight creeze

          The Treble cried : Buy, buy, what fancy sells !

Yet each voice taught me nothing.   How shall I

          Glut me on thy gross naquet, booming Bass?

          And, Tenor, youth was kind, but i was shy !

And thou, keen Treble, is the nightly chase

          Of dreams that sting but do not satisfy,

          Food for the soul that craves some living grace?

                                      XII.

                      Dove sono i bei Momenti?

          MORNING of life !  O ne’er recaptured hour,

                Which some have dulled with fumes of meat and

                       wine ;

                And some have starved upon the bitter brine

                Of lean ambition grasping place and power;

And some have drowned in Danae’s vulgar shower

         Caught by keen harlot souls where ingots shine ;

         And some have drowsed with ivy wreaths that twine

         Around Parnassus and the Muse’s bower ;

And some exchanged for learning, pelf of thought ;

         And some consumed in kilns of passions hot

         With lime and fire to sear the sentient life ;

And some have bartered for high-blooded strife

         Of battle ;- where art thou?  These all have bought

         With thee their heart’s wise.  Youth ! I sold thee not.

                                       XIII.

                             Natura Consolatrix.

             GOD and the saints forgive us - we who blight

                 With mists of passion and with murk of lust

                 This wonderful fair world, and turn to dust

                 The diamonds of life’s innocent delight !

Who bear within our hearts black envious night,

         Blunting the blade of joy with sensual rust,

         Breaking vain wings against the stern Thou Must

         Blazed in star-fire on Nature’s brows of light !-

Nature, thou gentle mistress, back to thee

         Thy wandering children bring their cureless thirst !

         Take them, and nurse them, mother, on thy knee!

Teach them, with vain insatiate longing cursed,

         To cool life’s ardent anguish at thy breast ;

         And thy law that limits give them rest !

                                    XIV.

                To the Genius of Eternal Slumber.

             SLEEP, that art named eternal !  Is there then

                 No chance of waking in thy noiseless realm ?

                 Come there no fretful dreams to overwhelm

                 The feverish spirits of o’erlaboured men ?

Shall conscience sleep where thou art ; and shall pain

          Lie folded with tired arms around her head ;

          And memory be stretched upon a bed

          Of ease, whence she shall never rise again ?

O sleep, that art eternal !   say, shall love

          Breathe like an infant slumbering at thy breast ?

          Shall hope there cease to throb ; and shall the smart

Of things impossible at length find rest ?

          Thou answerest not.  The poppy-heads above

          Thy calm brows sleep.   How cold, how still thou

               art !

 

 

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Citation

John Addington Symonds, “L'Amour De L'Impossible,” Victorian Queer Archive, accessed May 2, 2024, https://victorianqueerarchive.omeka.net/items/show/65.